despite the joyless pit I’m in.
Those around move on with their days,
as I’m reminded in too many ways,
that MY days will forever feel wrong,
and my time till I see them again too long.
My heart is fractured and filled with pain,
although-my loss is Heaven’s gain.
Watching the dreams of other’s fulfilled,
observing how their lives they will build,
crushes and tramples the shards of my life,
each breathe I take like a plunging knife.
So often I must be reminded to breathe,
I suck the air in with a sigh and a heave.
Smiling and small talk don’t come with ease,
the need to see me ok I simply cannot appease.
The journey of life that once looked so bright,
no longer fills my heart with delight.
The rest and respite I desperately seek,
often elude as tears from my eyes do leak.
The laughter and camaraderie has left my home,
so often my sweet beans feel all alone.
In the night I woke to the sound of sweet Max,
“Mama, can I sleep with you?” he asked.
Never once in the years since he came to be,
did he ever need to sleep with me.
From the moment he was knit in my womb,
2 lives were linked as yarn on a loom.
Now the yarn is split and frayed,
without his twin he will spend his days.
Sweet Charley wanders, unsure what to do,
missing sweet Sammy & Mercy too.
The little mommy that dwelled in Eva Grace,
longs to see each little face,
of the babes she helped to love and raise,
the hurt in her heart a filmy haze.
Each day I beseech the One whom I trust,
to patch their hearts, I insist He must!
For never will those holes be filled,
but for the leaks, dams only He can build.
…dams. only. He. can. build.
I do not know you, precious Mama, sweet child of God, but your life touches me deeply. Please know that there are complete strangers in this world bringing you, your family and your broken hearts to the foot of cross in prayer. We love you and cry for you… Your writings rock me, inspire me, and make me not take each breath, each face, each touch for granted.
I have been following your blog through Melina's faithful posting to Facebook. I weep with you as you continue on this journey of grief before the Lord, your husband, and your precious threesome. Please remember to give each of them extra hugs each day. I wish I could tell you that life will return to normal but I can't. Death cuts deep within our hearts. It forever changes our outlook on life. But I do pray that God will give you a few moments of joy, and then a few hours, and finally that one day you will wake up and notice that you had a good day. That timetable belongs to the Lord. I pray that He will surround you with His tender arms and comfort your broken heart.
I have been following your blog through Melina's faithful posting to Facebook. I weep with you as you continue on this journey of grief before the Lord, your husband, and your precious threesome. Please remember to give each of them extra hugs each day. I wish I could tell you that life will return to normal but I can't. Death cuts deep within our hearts. It forever changes our outlook on life. But I do pray that God will give you a few moments of joy, and then a few hours, and finally that one day you will wake up and notice that you had a good day. That timetable belongs to the Lord. I pray that He will surround you with His tender arms and comfort your broken heart.
You'll begin moving with everyone else, through the days, in time. Small steps at first, but soon you'll be walking. Your days will never be "normal" again, but there will be a new normal. I'm sure you've heard that too many times. but it's true. You'll find joy in your children and will always see signs that Mercy and Sam are always with you! Just keep moving forward…never stop!! It's easy to get caught in the quicksand if you stay still too long. It is hard…soo hard and at times you'll be blindsided by the strangest things many months and years later, but keep moving!! You'll always be in our prayers and you will begin seeing more light… God knows what he is doing, but like my wife said when praying to God, "I respectfully disagree with your decision". 🙂 As much as we miss them, they are OK and you know what they would want us to be doing…
You'll begin moving with everyone else, through the days, in time. Small steps at first, but soon you'll be walking. Your days will never be "normal" again, but there will be a new normal. I'm sure you've heard that too many times. but it's true. You'll find joy in your children and will always see signs that Mercy and Sam are always with you! Just keep moving forward…never stop!! It's easy to get caught in the quicksand if you stay still too long. It is hard…soo hard and at times you'll be blindsided by the strangest things many months and years later, but keep moving!! You'll always be in our prayers and you will begin seeing more light… God knows what he is doing, but like my wife said when praying to God, "I respectfully disagree with your decision". 🙂 As much as we miss them, they are OK and you know what they would want us to be doing…
Tiffany, our hearts ache for you and your family. There isn't anything I can say or do. We are praying that God will lighten your grief through sharing the burden and filling your heart with glimpses of grace and peace. You are loved and held tight. I am happy to listen to you vent or talk in whatever way you could use. One moment at a time…
Tiffany, our hearts ache for you and your family. There isn't anything I can say or do. We are praying that God will lighten your grief through sharing the burden and filling your heart with glimpses of grace and peace. You are loved and held tight. I am happy to listen to you vent or talk in whatever way you could use. One moment at a time…
I have met you a few times. I followed your blog all last Summer. I haven't known what to say. The words haven't come. They won't come eloquently, but still, I want to tell you that I pray for you daily and your seering loss. From the moment I met you,I was fascinated by your uniqueness and beauty. Your words are the same. Through your entries,I have cried alongside you. You have made and continue to make a difference by your transparency and willingness to share your journey. You have taught me much more than I could ever express.
-Allissa