to kiss my -ss. Bye Bye Bree. Maybe if I say it enough times, it will come true. The type A compulsion to organize, categorize, label, list, straighten, dust, wipe, sweep, mop, pile and repile, vacuum, etc……………………… might, just maybe, GO AWAY. Or hell could freeze over and the dinosaurs would return to rule our planet. I wonder how many hours, days, weeks & YEARS I have spent doing all of the above, plus some? Has is made my life that much better? (It has been mighty clean and I can certainly find most of what I am looking for… UGH I digress.) I dare say, not. I discovered something that I find quite sad about my life. When presented with a child requesting my attention or presence, if I find that I have a task on my to-do list, I’ll often say, “just give mommy a few minutes to… BLAH BLAH BLAH.” Or “maybe a bit later, mommy really needs to… BLAH BLAH BLAH.” Well, guess what? There is no later, dammit. My children are going to grow up and I’ll have missed moments because I’m ORGANIZING? So what the hell will they say about me? Wow, she was such a great Mom because the floor was so clean and the cabinets were SO organized!
This AHA moment didn’t really just happen overnight. I just started noticing that I was always too “busy” when Evie just wanted my undivided attention, for whatever reason. And as hard as I have tried in the past to be able to just push stuff aside, I couldn’t make myself. Then I went home. I looked at my children, my nieces, my brother and sister, my parents, my friends & extended family. And I saw people who meant the world to me were getting older. One niece is a “tween,” with all the requisite anxiety, my brother is really grown up and has his own life & career, another niece is so adult and levelheaded she makes me want to be a better person, and my own children are changing a bit more every day. Getting older isn’t bad, it’s just life. But if we live so hard for tomorrow that we forget today, what the hell is the point? I think I may have said this before, these words sound so familiar. Do you think I’ll listen this time?
I played a game with Eva yesterday for her Kindermusik class. When we got there today, I asked her to tell Miss Jennifer about it. Imagine my delight when she described it in perfect detail, with excitement and pure joy. That was enough to make me listen.
I’ve gone to bed every night for at least 2 weeks with unpacked boxes, dust bunnies in my corners and piles in places everywhere. Guess what. I’m NOT DEAD or in a mental institution. (Stay tuned, that is a minute by minute status.) Is it easy for me? Not really. Do I like it? NO. Can I live with it? You bet.
Bree- you can kiss my ass. I’m going to bed with a MESSY house.
HA!
luv,
Tiff