Helping. Healing. Caring.
I saw the most beautiful baby tonight-I watched her snuggle and suck on her fingers, smile and bubble, be held and loved unconditionally with open and untethered hearts. Suddenly and without warning, it opened a door to a place deep in my heart that I wasn’t sure I could ever find again. and the blessing […]
And this morning, I just wanted to remember what it felt like that last year before the accident. How precious, how adored, how loved I felt by each one of my children. How wonderful it felt to wake up to smiling faces, happy birthday shouts from my little people, flowers on the counter, birthday presents […]
Samuel Charles McCawley June 5, 2016 To My Lil Man Sam,Where do I begin? I remember crying the day your mama told me she was pregnant. We had always talked about having another child, abut having more children. Just did not expect it too happen so soon. God truly does work in His own […]
I’ve been fighting my Father. My Lord, my Savior, my Abba, my Almighty. Tooth and nail, I’ve waged in a bloody and emotional battle with Him. I’ve screamed, I’ve cried, I’ve begged and I’ve cursed. Layer upon layer of pain has landed squarely in His lap. Because in the interest of complete transparency, I really […]
the sorting, the shifting, once again. Storage sheds filled with shattered dreams. Of a life left behind in tortured screams. Boxes filled with so many things… Once held dreams aloft on wings. One side of me wishes to set it ablaze, to watch it burn in a hellish haze. To erase the memories, will […]
the 3 of them. Instead of the 5. I was blessed to have an “extra” in the form of the sweet boy child of a friend. So I felt a little less naked. A little less glaringly NOT MYSELF. Not a mom of many. Not that “blessed” mama everyone needs to stop and gawk […]
could wreck me. Rip my heart into a thousand tiny shreds all over again. Wash over me with a sadness so deep, so profound that my body felt too heavy for me to carry. I wrote them all Valentine sentiments. Even Mercy & Sam. I know they can’t read them, I know there is no […]
the Word. The Holy, precious, life-giving and soul healing Word of God. It’s my manna.It’s the blood pumping through my veins, the air I breathe, the song in my heart. I answered a question today.Why do we Praise & Worship Him? Him who sits on the throne, our great Redeemer, our sovereign Lord, our precious […]
The following collection of posts are ones I have prayed over, begged my precious Father for direction with, and poured my grief into at the end of a torturous Christmas season. Undoubtedly, anger spilled into them, and it shows. The rage that fills my soul at the injustice of the end of my children’s earthly […]
how many times a day I utter these words…I just want my babies back.I just want my life back. I just want to be a mama to 5 littles. And every. single. time.I get slapped in the face by the cold reality that I just can’t have what I want. That the picture you see is […]